The potential silliness of 15 more years of silliness

Another cosmic truth: locks are to keep Security Salesmen out

I saw a box of Wheat Thins you could stand on to paint the ceiling. An ark of animal crackers that no airline would accept as carry-on baggage. A hogshead of syrup that would send half of Hollywood spiraling into a sugar coma. A colossal container of liquid soap that I couldn’t use in three lifetimes – I would have to bequeath it in my will.

One day last summer, as I dozed on the deck in the serenity of singlehood, a leash-less neighborhood dog, who had obviously lost his copy of the community bylaws, leapt up the stairs and announced himself. You might say I was surprised. You might also say the ocean is “damp.” I was not so much at a loss for words, as I was at a loss for which of several words to use, and in what order.