(No, the other March Madness)
~-~-~-~-~-~

“Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you.”
— — Pericles
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

This week, many Americans probably got distracted from globe-changing events, like the rise in mental illness, or college basketball (yeah, I know). For one thing, we all paused as we eagerly awaited the arrival of our favorite Springtime gift: Mother Nature’s annual blanket of pollen.

And then there’s Daylight Saving Time, when thousands of us are either an hour early for church, or an hour late. Nobody can even remember any more if we’re now on Daylight Saving Time, or just off it — unless you’re in Arizona, where it’s so hot they voted not to have daylight any more. (Arizona tourism representatives admit they also have a Spring pollen problem, but it’s a dry pollen.)

So it came as a surprise to many Americans when they finally heard some of the other stories making the news (aka trending on Twitter). In case you, too, were distracted, here are a few of the highlights:

• Every living Democrat in the State of Massachusetts, and four dead guys, announced they’re running for President in 2020.
• Special Counsel Robert Mueller wrapped up his investigation of President Donald Trump, after 675 consecutive days of not ever smiling. This lovely little nothing-burger cul-de-sac allegedly cost us over $25 million, or about what the federal government spends every three minutes.
• Presidential hopeful Elizabeth “Fauxcohantas“ Warren allegedly went an entire day without lying. Allegedly.
• Newly announced contender Beto “The Flail” O-Rourke appears to be running for President based solely on his ability to lose elections to Ted Cruz. The Flail tends to hop on table tops during speeches and gesticulate wildly as if he’s conducting some orchestra only he can see.
• Another of the liberal candidates is running on the promise of banning circumcision.
• And that’s the card he led with.

It’s hard to keep up because the number keeps climbing, but there are approximately 800 liberals (804, counting the four dead guys) vying for the top seat in the 2020 Democrat primary, and they are bunged up in a frenzied contest to try and out-Socialism each other. Every candidate is offering more free stuff than the total amount of free stuff in the universe. (Technically, the free stuff in the universe is hydrogen, but politicians never let facts get in the way of a good lie.)

Collectively (no pun intended), the socialist-leaning candidates have a laundry list of freebies, as long as somebody else picks up the laundry. For example, Circumcision Boy not only wants to enforce his weird anti-Bris bias, but he has a plan to give every single adult $1,000 a month, which is about half the cost of your average circumcision. Unless you’re a porn star.

Another liberal Oval Office wannabee wants to do away with Daylight Saving Time … sort of. This plan calls for turning DST on, and then never turning it off again. Obviously, the scheme would cost alarm clock makers millions in redesign costs, and completely befuddle Arizona.

Here are some more hydrogen-funded phantom promises from the Farther-Left-Than-You Left:

• Add more Justices to the Supreme Court, to enhance the depth of Diana Ross’ background singers
• Lower the legal voting age to sixteen, to include more of that geopolitically-savvy group of youngsters who punch out typo-laden incomplete sentences with their thumbs while vaping
• Abolish the Electoral College, so Presidential candidates only have to campaign in California and New York.
• Outlaw circumcision for females. Hey — these days, you never know.
• All dogs must wear little hats. This legislation is long overdue.

And then there’s this staggeringly psychotic unicorn known as the New Green Deal, a brain-dead coven of incoherent crack-pipe ramblings that are more bizarre than Paris Hilton sponsoring an abstinence clinic. This thing reads like something George Orwell might’ve dreamed up, if he drank more. The New Green Deal is free everything, except things the New Green Dealers don’t want you to have anymore. Free college tuition, free health care, free income, free immortality.

Of course, you’ll have to walk to college, because the Dealers are going to get rid of cars and planes. You might be able to ride a cow to college, after the Dealers figure out how to make cattle flatulence illegal, too. (Imagine what they’ll call that government agency…)

So, when the Democrat Convention finally rolls around, who will be the Last Liberal Standing? Hard to say.  Bernie Sanders’ supporters claim he has the coveted asset of “name recognition,” but so does Big Bird … and Big Bird has better hair. In contrast, I saw one of the other liberal Prez candidates on TV who I’ve never seen in my life. Then I saw him two more times, and I’ve still never seen him.

Joe Biden, who’s been running for President about as long as the universe has had hydrogen, has great teeth but a filthy mouth (Joe was once kicked out of the Navy for excessive swearing.). Hillary “Because I Deserve It” Clinton hasn’t officially announced, but that pudgy perennial is lugging around so much legal baggage that she can no longer run for President; she has to walk for President.

And you can’t rule out all these new kids on the block. Any one of them seems certifiably insane enough to want the job.

Here’s a thought: maybe Trump himself will try to pick up the Democrat nomination, and run for President on behalf of both parties.

His ego might get a kick out of beating himself.