Banned Children’s Books

(Lions and tigers and demon-worship…oh my!)

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Last week I was reading (I know I lost about half the thumb-texting generation right there…) and I came across some upsetting American history (and now I’ve lost the other half).

Over the years, I discovered, nervous grown-ups have spent a lot of energy making sure defenseless children only read what those edgy, looming adults want them to read. And it’s way more than just filtering out steamy romance novels, or graphic violence, or pretty much every front cover of Cosmopolitan ever printed. In fact, the list of offensive books may surprise you, unless you paid attention during the last Presidential election, in which case nothing can surprise you.

One of the functions of a group that intentionally calls themselves the American Library Association’s Office of Intellectual Freedom (yes, all of that) is to keep tabs on books that have been banned or challenged, because intellectual freedom isn’t free (it costs around $9.95). And nestled in their Top Ten list of most frequently banned children’s books are some real head-shakers.

Obviously, the Harry Potter series made the cut. That’s not much of a surprise if you’ve ever watched any of those people out-embarrassing each other on daytime courtroom shows:

Plaintiff: My husband slept with my sister!
Defendant: Well, she dared me!
Witness: Well, if he wasn’t so ugly…
Judge Wapner: Bailiff, pull ’em apart again.

Magic, sorcery, wizards, John Cleese — scary stuff to put in front of young kids. But even scarier are some communities’ reactions to the Harry and his escapades. In 2001, a group of parents in Lewiston, Maine actually organized a book burning. When the local fire department nixed that idea, the group quickly huddled, made a new plan, and attacked a pile of Potter plots with scissors.

Another surprise on the list was Shel Silverstein’s delightful A Light in the Attic, the first children’s book to make the New York Times’ bestseller list. In Wisconsin, an elementary school banned the book because it encouraged children to break dishes so they wouldn’t have to dry them.

Heathenry!

James and the Giant Peach is on the naughty list, having been deemed inappropriate for children simply because it tells the totally believable story of an abused boy who travels with a group of talking insects to New York City…inside a big peach. Nonsensical, maybe, but not harmful to children. America does nonsensical all the time. (see last Presidential election)

Not even award-winning classics are immune. In 2013, a library in Toronto tried (and failed) to ban Dr. Suess’ Hop on Pop. The crime? The vulgar little rhymer primer “encourages children to use violence against their fathers.” See what he did there? Hop? Pop? What a sadistic sicko. But come on, Toronto — it’s thinking like yours that encourages me to use violence against Toronto.

And when the self-righteous get froggy, not even Dorothy and Toto are safe. Nearly 100 years ago, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz was banned from the Chicago Public Library for depicting women in strong leadership roles. (Today, of course, any guy can wear ruby slippers. And thanks to Bill Clinton, Dorothy wouldn’t be caught dead in a blue dress.)

So. In the spirit of true, unbridled Puritanism, here’s a partial list of book titles that we think probably will not get past the goalie: