(A history of American near-excellence)
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I read, this week, an online list of US Presidents ranked by IQ, and the article contained this strong contender for Captain Obvious’ Comment of the Week: smarter Presidents are better Presidents.
Yes, and wet things are less dry than dry things.
As it turns out, Presidents have generally tested as more intelligent than the average citizen. But then the “average citizen” still thinks that 9/11 is a phone number, and googles questions like “What does the present do as Commander in Chief?”
Apparently, in the past Presidential election, this whiz kid voted for a Christmas gift.
According to one website, the average American’s intelligence quotient is 98, with sixty-eight percent of us having an IQ between 85 and 115. Globally, Hong Kong and Singapore take the honors as having the highest average IQ (108), while the US only ranks 24th (tied with Australia).
Those that claim to know say a high IQ is anything over 130, although I’d like to see the claimer’s IQ.
Cultural Sidebar: only 3 percent of Americans score above 130, and none of them buy lottery tickets, abandon shopping carts at the grocery, or think their best hope for a brighter career future is a higher minimum wage.
And from George “Who’s your daddy” Washington to George “Dubya” Bush, 28 US Presidents have met that mark.
Nonpartisan Disclaimer Sidebar: please note that this IQ-comparing article stopped with the Bush presidency, so Obama, Trump, and Biden are not included, thereby denying me about three dozen more potential jokes.
John Quincy Adams, our sixth President, leads the pack with an estimated IQ of 175. Somber and stark, his presidency was hindered by people who kept confusing him with characters from Charles Dickens’ novels. Adams is most famous for helping establish the Smithsonian, and for being second cousin to Samuel Adams, who invented beer. To provide a point of reference, Einstein’s estimated IQ was between 160 and 190, and he was a snappy dresser, as long as you like brown suits.
The second-smartest President was Thomas Jefferson who, along with his wife, Weezy, owned a chain of dry cleaning stores in New York City. Jefferson is best known for drafting the Declaration of Codependence, which led to a nation-wide adoption of regularly-scheduled psychiatric therapy.
Third on the list is James Madison, our fourth President, who wrote the Bill of Rights and married a baker named Dolly Madison, who invented diabetes. But let’s jump around a bit.
One online poll positions Abraham Lincoln as the “best” American President, but Abe’s estimated IQ was 140, putting him at number 12 on the Bright Bulb list, just below James Madison and just above Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Most people remember FDR as being
Historical Sidebar: By the way, Theodore Roosevelt (no relation) slots in as our 8th smartest and 4th most effective President, which is not bad for a tree-hugger who bragged about carrying a big stick.
According to the list, Jimmy Carter was the sixth smartest President, best known for peanuts and lust. In case you forgot, President Sixth Smartest was the one who wanted the federal election laws changed so national ballots presented him as “Jimmy Carter” rather than the required “James Earl Carter,” because Jimmy thought we were too stupid to figure it out.
The second dumbest President, it seems, was James Monroe, fifth to sit in the Oval Office. Despite his difficulties solving a Rubik’s Cube, Monroe helped negotiate the Louisiana Purchase, which created jazz.
Finally, we get to Ulysses S. Grant, apparently the dumbest US President (second dumbest being George W. Bush, with an alleged IQ of 138.5 which, compared to Joe Biden, makes Dubya look like Stephen Hawking).
Grant was so dumb, it seems, that we’ve spent the last 100+ years joking about who’s buried in his tomb. My guess is he’s entombed with his bud, General Sherman, who burned down much of Atlanta, but forgot to exterminate the freeway traffic.
Step up your game, Ulysses.