(or, The Curse of the Cancel Culture)
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Looking around lately, you might have thought we’d had enough disruption, eruption, and interruption (and if you count downtown Seattle, abruption). You might’ve thought that, faced with plague, protests, and Presidential politics, America already had enough on its plate.

You would’ve been wrong.

Apparently, a global flu, a national crime wave, Trump’s tweets, and Joe Biden’s drool bib weren’t enough. America, say ‘hello’ again to the PC / White Guilt reunion concert, a group that’s had more farewell tours than Fleetwood Mac.

Everywhere you look, there’s a mad race to — okay, I don’t know what it’s a mad race to do – but everywhere, really weird social change is being promised by people who have inappropriate levels of melanin.

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Chemistry Sidebar: According to the internet, melanin is a broad term for a group of natural pigments found in humans and other organisms, though not many of the other organisms have heated debates about renaming military bases. Melanin is responsible for skin color, hair color, freckles, and really weird social change.
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And now, as this bizarre year 2020 continues to try and out-bizarre itself, melanin-challenged American organisms are pitching in by pointing out their melanin-neutral solidarity. For instance, a country music band named Lady Antebellum has vowed to change its name to Lady A, because somebody tweeted that somebody tweeted that “antebellum” is racist.

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Romance Language Sidebar: The Latin term antebellum translates roughly as “before the war.” Interestingly, according to the dictionary, one suggested antonym for antebellum is modern, which translates roughly as “after Nixon.”
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Here are some more examples of the new woke-era American hobby: Virtue Signaling —

• The band known as the Dixie Chicks will now be calling themselves the Union Babes
• The country music group formerly known as Lady A had another marketing meeting, and will now be known as the Non-Dixie Chicks
• Georgia’s Fort Gordon, named after a Confederate Army Lieutenant General who was shot five times, will now be known as Fort Ordon-Gay. In related news, Canadian singer Gordon Lightfoot has volunteered to change his first name to “Zippy.”
• Confused protesters in Virginia have destroyed a statue of Sammy Davis Jr.
• A boastful radio show caller bragged that he wears a mask in public because he might be asymmetric.
• The Little Rascals will be replacing that freckly, melanin-hoarding Alfalfa character with an Asian lad named Gluten-Fri
• Given the “social distancing” policies in place during the 2020 election season, politicians will have to kiss babies from six or more feet away. Unfortunately, only Mick Jagger could pull that off.
• Confused protesters in Virginia have destroyed a statue of Christopher Walken.
• Elmer Fudd will no longer be allowed to carry a firearm; however, Elmer’s apparently not woke-threatening enough to get rid of his speech impediment
• As a protest to the decision, Yosemite Sam has holed up in downtown Seattle.
• A web design company selling a product named the “Masculine Fonts Bundle” has agreed to repackage the resource as “Gender Reveal Fonts ‘R’ Us.”
• I’m not even sure we’re allowed to say “fonts” anymore. The religious overtones might offend.
• The band called The Black-Eyed Peas will now be known as The Ebony Legumes
• The popular restaurant chain, Cracker Barrel, that haunts freeway exits all across the nation, promises to change its name to The Affirmative Buffet. No word yet on whether they intend to remove those tiny little antebellum-themed salt & pepper shakers from their gift shops.
• Going forward, the Average White Band will refer to themselves as the Privileged Guys Who Are Not All That
• Confused protesters in Virginia have destroyed a statue of George Jefferson.
• The classic Rolling Stones tune, Brown Sugar, has been renamed Indigenous Central American Glucose
• According to scientists, people with increased levels of melanin get fewer cases of skin cancer. So Bernie Sanders is pushing for health-care legislation that will force people with lots of melanin to give some of it to the melanin challenged.
• And you thought socialism was stupid.
• Going forward, Father’s Day will now be known as Gender-Non-Specific Parental Unit Day