(A little lobe clearance, if I might)

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This week, in honor of South Carolina’s annual change of seasons (from hot and humid to just humid), I’ll hope you bear with me for some mental maintenance. A little cerebral housecleaning.

What follows here are some disconnected musings. Just some random observations. I need to push them out of my head to make room for more pressing processes, like remembering to wear socks.

I have to do this from time to time. It’s good therapy, personally, and it’s also good fiscal policy – during current events coverage, it keeps me from throwing a shoe at the TV.

So. In order of absolutely nothing in particular, here’s my head.

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If you tell a person the truth, has that person now been luded?

Sign seen in a mom & pop store window:
EARS PIERCED WHILE YOU WAIT

Notice that you never hear a politician who’s leading in the early polls argue that the early polls don’t matter?

Why Spelling Is Important … seen at a grocers:
PRICE CHOPPER! PORN & BEANS 2/$1

How do you refuse a second time? I refuse to say “rerefuse.”

You know, that “final chance” sale those car dealerships are having this weekend isn’t really your final chance. But it is your final chance until the next final chance.

I wonder if a Congressional Intelligence committee is as small as it sounds?

Why Punctuation Is Important … seen in a clinic:
NO SMOKING FOOD OR BEVERAGES PERMITTED

Money is fungible. Reading is fundamental. What does fungus do?

That delicious moment when some knuckle-dragging lug nut on facebook comments on your intelligence by typing “Your stupid” – Priceless.

Why aren’t Mexican restaurants always full of Chinese people?

Can a person be plussed?

What’s the difference between a bachelor and a single guy? Being single is a conscious decision; being a bachelor is a temporary condition. Also, bachelors have stuff in their fridge that predates the ’75 evacuation of Saigon.

If the ad says it’s “Free! You just pay shipping and handling” then it’s not free.

Can a person be outcestuous?

The truth? U.S. border patrol agents have picked up hundreds of illegal aliens carting drugs across the border. But the headline?
MEXICO EXTRADITES MAJOR DRUG KINGPINS TO U.S.

If a gang brought exactly the right number of people to a street fight, are they innumbered or just numbered?

The federal government’s weather bureau routinely spews nonsensical phrases like “upper low,” and yet we continue to fund them.

When food companies make food lo-fat, what do they do with the fat?

President Barack Obama claims he’s visited all 57 States. Great. The man with America’s nuclear strike codes doesn’t know the difference between a country and a steak sauce.

Can a person be combobulated?

An iPhone game offered me “2 hours of infinite lives.” Pardon me? Can you be infinite, but only for a while? I’d have hoped my infinity would last a little longer.

The voiceover announcer announced, “This show was prerecorded.” No, it wasn’t. It was recorded exactly when it happened. You can’t record something before it happens. Well, Hillary can, but you can’t.

You know, those new car dealers aren’t really selling their new cars below their cost. Nobody is that stupid, except the federal government.

Can a person be outerrupted?

I bought a piece of audio equipment. It’s guaranteed to work for 30 days. In my fridge, I have cheese with a longer warranty. For that matter, take a look at the labeling on Betty Crocker’s Bac-Os. The “Best By…” date is two years out. Two years. Certainly. Ever eaten two-year-old pork?

Can a person be wisthalful? Nearly wistful? What is a wist, anyway?

According to several TV ads, Americans are too stupid to operate can openers, generic pillows, and bar soap. This goes a long way toward explaining the lingering presence of Gerald Rivera.

Some auto mechanics use Coca-Cola to clean rusty engine parts. I’m just saying.

Why Spelling Is Important, continued … scroll seen on a news channel:
WHO’S YOUR FIST CHOICE FOR PRESIDENT?

How hard would you have to hit someone for them to be hotcocked?

My boss made me the “owner” of one of our products. The good news is that I’m now much more visible to management. The bad news is that I’m now much more visible to management.

Can a person have a sudden outsight?

Sign seen in a big box store:
STOCK UP NOW AND SAVE!!! LIMIT TWO

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Ahhhh. There, I feel better.

You?