- Eight Maimed In Polar Express Derailing
- The elf could only stare as the evil iPhone closed in for the kill
- “Well, the recipe said ‘300 degrees for 30 minutes’ so I figured ‘600 degrees for 15’ would take care of business.”
- Reviews were mixed for Stephen King’s seasonal shocker, “A Christmas Misery”
- “Oh! My bad. I thought you said ‘gimme a HAND’.”
- The medical community cheered the first-ever chile pepper skin graft
- “Remember,” said Smokey the Middle-Earth Bear, “only YOU can prevent forest elf fires!”
- North Pole Subway Project Goes Awry
- “Let’s all wish Dweezil a speedy recovery, and be sure to tune for next week’s edition of ‘Arctic Circle’s Got Talent’!”
- “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!”