- After decades of Botox side-effects, Nancy Pelosi finally demanded a refund.
- Things always got a little tense at the Old Toons Home whenever the retirees heard that familiar whisper: “Be vewwy vewwy qwiet…”
- Fortunately, the Grimms reworked their first draft, “The Pied Redneck of Hamelin.”
- Reviews were mixed for Bruce Willis’s 48th sequel: “Rode Hard.”
- “Not Alamo, you idiot, ” snapped the concierge. “A la mode! Apple pie a la MODE! Nobody orders Apple Pie AlaMO!”
- Rebublican Party Counters White House Slogan, Unveils New “Winning the Past” Campaign
- “Back off, you,” barked the South Miami Neighborhood Watch volunteer, “or I swear, I’ll gum you to death!”
- Sales Skyrocket For Hillary Aide Tell-All: “It Takes A Village Idiot”
- Wal-Mart Greeter Cited In “Ten-Items-Or-Less” Confrontation
- “You can have my cold, dead fingers when you pry them from my gun!”
- Great Moments In Literature: Captain Ahab Flushes The Great White Quail
- “Well, Alex, I reckon I’ll take ‘Syllogisms in Theoretical Quantum Mechanics’ for two hunnerd.”
- As the Union troops poured over the hilltop, Cappy girded his one remaining loin.
- “Okay, forget that ‘I never met a man’ quip. There was this ONE guy,” admitted Will Rogers.