- Hey 44, any chance I can get my Viagra back?
- Stop me if you’ve heard this one.
- Then I promised Helen Thomas an exclusive, told her to wait in the Rose Garden, and I went to Camp David. It was rich!
- Don’t say “intern.” Ask for the “special menu.”
- Michelle’s looking perky. Pigeon-toed beyond BELIEF, but perky.
- I was gonna remove a letter from all the keyboards, but I didn’t know how to spell “O.”
- And I said, ‘Karl, that’s ridiculous. A sitting U.S. President going on Leno’s show? I won’t do it.’
- This chafes. Did I put on your pants by mistake?
- By the way, Dick Cheney’s actually a hand puppet.
- Only 14 more steps, and then I’m flat tearin’ up a bottle of whiskey.
- Nothing like a 2-for-1 sale on executive overcoats, eh, dawg?
- Did you know “Barney Frank” can be rearranged to spell “fey rank bran?”
- Wait’ll you see what Laura’s wearing under the coat.
- Kick the bottom-left desk drawer 2 times, twist the pen twice, then dial 010. You’ll love it.