(Vote. It’s all you have to do.)
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Congress is broken.

It no longer works, and they definitely no longer work for us. So let’s just send them home.

ALL of them. Every single one. Thanks very much, Congress, but we’d like to try somebody else. You’re just not cutting it. Go home.

Welcome to “Anybody Else Will Do,” a grass-tro-turf mob of stupid, rude, raving maniacs who seem oddly intent on destroying the looming promise of Socialism and the cradle-robbing-to-grave-robbing control of an out-of-control government.

Citizens: It’s been tried before. Let’s try it again. All you have to do is vote … for ANYBODY ELSE.

Congress: Enough already.

You rarely even do any actual work. And when you DO work, it’s worse.

• We don’t want you to dictate how much water our toilets can flush.
• We don’t want you to hold America’s national security hostage by ignoring our borders, or by slipping personal pork projects into our defense budget.
• We don’t all want to pay for one state’s “vital” Solar-Powered Peanut Storage Research Center.
• We don’t want a formerly-honored federal institution to spend days crafting a non-binding resolution to commend some football team for winning the Orange Bowl.
• We don’t want you to control the acceptable amount of rodent hairs found in food products. (Actually, we believe the acceptable amount of rodent hairs is zero, or, if possible, less.)
• You stole our money from Medicare. You stole our money from Social Security. And then you voted yourselves a raise. Several times. At night.
• You managed to lose money running a casino. You managed to lose money running Amtrak and the Post Office, and those were MONOPOLIES. The Post Office is the only “business” on earth that can raise prices when business goes down.
• And now you expect us to let you manage our global battlefields? Our health care? Get out. You can’t even manage a used car swap.
• We don’t want you to control our lives, our incomes, our habits, our education, our religion, our children.

We want our control BACK.

Congress. Out-of-touch, out-of-control, self-serving? Negligent, dishonest, overpaid? Definitely.

Untouchable?

No.

Enough already.

Here at Anybody Else Will Do, we use a little decoder to differentiate between what politicians say and what they really mean. For example:

When they say: I sincerely believe…
What they really mean is: According to a new poll…

See how it works? Pretty handy, eh? Here are some more helpful decodings:

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At the end of the day…
Here comes my spin on the subject.

The truth of the matter is…
Here comes my party’s spin on the subject.

But where the rubber hits the road…
Here comes my PAC’s spin on the subject.

Let’s take a step back…
I can answer that, or I can keep my job.

Obviously, our plan was…
Man. Did we ever foul up THAT one.

My distinguished colleague…
That pig…

While I have the greatest respect for…
That pig is holding up my bill.

We’re very close to a vote…
That pig is holding up my bill for more pork.

We had broad bi-partisan support…
It was sweet! The entire committee was for sale.

My friend on the other side of the aisle…
That pig is SO not getting on this committee.

It all boils down to a matter of opinion…
That pig’s not here, is he?

That quote was taken out of context…
I was lying.

I can categorically state…
Nobody can prove I was lying.

In all fairness…
Nobody can prove I was lying about lying.

That is unequivocally false…
I was lying, but it hasn’t leaked yet.

Let me say for the record…
Here comes a brand new lie.

We’re not going to get into hypotheticals…
Yeah, that’s exactly what we did. Or will do. Probably. Or not.

Believe me when I tell you…
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

What the American people really want…
What I really want…

On behalf of my constituents…
I’m in a tough re-election campaign.

It’s an unfunded mandate…
Your paycheck’s about to get jacked. Again.

I did not have sex with that woman…
I had sex with that woman.
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Enough already.

Anybody else will do.